when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
