So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I didn't notice because vodka
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
