I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
