listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
