I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
