I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
