Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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