We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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