I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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