wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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