rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Randomize
