So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
