Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
