ADVERTISEMENT

• (413): View more from Massachusetts

  she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.

  Fav 19 1377 4787

  share tweet
  

• (925): View more from California

  can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet

  Fav 26 4832 1492

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?

  Fav 33 6326 1722

  share tweet
  

• (530): View more from California

  Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.

  Fav 7 4250 1197

  share tweet
  

• (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.

  Fav 16 4539 2192

  share tweet
  

• (787): View more from Puerto Rico

  Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!

  Fav 3 1434 610

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (978): View more from Massachusetts

  I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.

  Fav 1 640 475

  share tweet
  

• (443): View more from Maryland

  Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly

  (443): View more from Maryland

  Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly

  Fav 0 685 465

  share tweet
  

• (615): View more from Tennessee

  Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'

  Fav 6 842 682

  share tweet
  

• (314): View more from Missouri

  Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.

  Fav 2 1112 552

  share tweet
  

• (630): View more from Illinois

  i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to

  Fav 2 371 457

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (931): View more from Tennessee

  I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.

  Fav 1 380 214

  share tweet
  

• (919): View more from North Carolina

  chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.

  Fav 0 37 8

  share tweet
  

• (561): View more from Florida

  I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me

  Fav 0 45 2

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (330): View more from Ohio

  all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum

  Fav 0 71 15

  share tweet
  

Randomize