I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize