ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
