I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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