Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Ambien. No doubt about it.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
