The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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