wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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