Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
