He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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