you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
