I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
