What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
