if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Randomize
