At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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