I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
