I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
