hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Im just a social blackout drinker.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
