Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
stop calling my apartment porn island.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
