I smell stomach acid.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
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