Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
This is my gift to your gina
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Randomize