i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
