My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
