I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize