I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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