I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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