if i can run in heels then i can drive
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
