you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
