Kiss
Puke
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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