Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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