hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
