i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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