Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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