These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
