His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
