Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
