You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
