bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Randomize
