Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
