His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
