So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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