i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Randomize
