I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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