Already got asked if we're dating
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
