I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
