Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
