My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
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