So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
