While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
