If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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