I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
she pinky promised me she was 18
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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