Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
