found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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