Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
We named our party play list daddy issues
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
