I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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