If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
