Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
